CoffeeFrappe

Rant-free. For now.

2012-01-16T10:30:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating this cyber journal often than expected. I could give you hundreds (weh) of reasons but bottom line is: I'm lazy. Always have been. Just got a lot worse.

Looking back, this blog served me well-- my only means of emotional outlet that kept insanity a good 50 feet away. And since the roller coaster years have passed, nakaginhawa na gihap nak blog.

The world is round, they say. And my current happiness may not have its steady ever-after. Until then, enjoy a rant-free and less update blog from me.

Oh, and a couple spur-of-the-moment entries may pop.
Please bear with me.

The ever lazy me,
Jean

P.S.
Had an awesome date night with Eloise, Juana, Vlad, and Makoy last night.

2012

2012-01-10T14:29:00.002+08:00

Haluuuuu 2012! We're still here, so I think the Mayan's were wrong-- or ran out of space to make calendars for next year.

My new year did not actually start off right or happy but I won't whine about that. There are a lot of people out there suffering more than I am-- unimaginable sadness. So instead of being too gloomy about things, let's make the most out of everything instead. Better me, better you. ~~Who knows, maybe the apocalypse is just a month late.~~ (Okay, that was nonsense right there.)

Before the year (2011) ended, I was very anxious about work stuff. I took almost 3 days of vacation leave for the holidays thinking we'll be able to finish a project before the deadline. Unfortunately, with too many edits and time zone issues, we finished the project on the 4th of January 2012. That was still 3 days early from deadline so I think we did fairly well. Actually, our boss and the client loved the result (o-ha!). Diri talaga siguro para ha akon it pagiging nars. I'm loving my job and the new things I'm learning. How many times have I been told by too many different people that I should have just taken a computer course instead? Oh well.

The project ended up with a celebration, thanks Ate May.

Another reason why my last few days of 2011 and first week of 2012 wasn't that happy: bf and his fam were celebrating the holidays in a place far far away. Heh. They kept asking me to go with them but I just can't be away from Papa on holidays especially that they (Papa & Mama) are celebrating birthdays. So yun, I had to endure weeks of being away from the bf.

January 3. They are scheduled to arrive at the DZR Airport at 6pm, but being the always delayed airline, 6 became 7pm. I was at the office playing DotA with team mates (I was still ON LEAVE! haha)to pass the time. I was hoping to see the bf that day. Naigbos la nga diri. Heh.

January 4. First day of work (for me) this 2012. I was feeling kinda sad that morning when I went to the office due to some reason I rather not share. The whole day I was feeling disappointed, I don't know why.

January 5...... Okay ginhuhubya naliwat ak pagtapos hini. Ugh.
Rain, naka unli ka? Diri ka pa maexpire? Pirmi nala ak ginhuhubya pagsulod ha trabaho tungod haim. -_-

Fix You

2011-12-30T21:45:00.001+08:00

Because I love Coldplay.

Because I heard this version of their song from a friend.

Because, right now, my mind is blank-- nothing sensible to post.

And tomorrow, yes, tomorrow's New Year's eve, and you're not yet here.

Blue Christmas

2011-12-24T23:29:00.000+08:00

One more hour tas pasko na. One more hour tas birthday na ni Papa.
I am indeed happy.

It's just that.... I can't seem to enjoy the holidays because someone's not where he belongs. Chos.
Yesterday, we had our Tech Team dinner + videoke. Had one bottle of beer. I gave the plane ticket I printed out to bf, trying to hold it together. I wanted to tear that piece of paper, so selfish of me.

Today, woke up around past 8 in the morning and had to do last minute gift wrapping for the kids. Prepared fruit salad and spaghetti, went to office to work on something and pick up Papa's birthday cake. I had to keep myself busy.

Now, I have a headache. Wasn't able to attend the midnight mass tungod hini. And I think I made the bf upset with all my moping and hiding the pain.

But life doesn't stop nor end there. I will make this Christmas a merry one for me.
Happy birthday, Papa! I LOVE YOU! <3

P.S.
This is supposed to be a long post. I got loads of things on my mind right now.
Pero hinuhubya ako. So there, publishing this one as it is.

2011-12-14T11:09:00.000+08:00

"I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take things away from you."

Ha! Why did the words of a sparkling bloodsucker got into me?

Hypocrites

2011-12-02T10:53:00.000+08:00

San-o daw la ak magmamaan? Ugh. Maybe having trust issues can be good sometimes-- like this whole time.

Now I am forced to take legal actions, and never in my life did I imagine na magbubuhat ak hini. Hagi Mana Belen. Maupay man unta kun 1K la adto, bisan next year mo pa ak bayaran, kebs! (basta babayaran mo ak heh~).

Nadugang pa ini nga usa nga gintapuran ko gihap. Why I trusted them comes down to one denominator-- their so called religiosity. I hold in high regard people like them, sometimes. Darn hypocrites, they really do exist.

It badtrip la, they (yes, hira nga duha) have the means to pay back what they owe me but they just won't take those steps. I've been too good. I've been very patient and I'm not even good at it. You people don't know me when I get mad-- really mad.

See you in court!

Uh, Baranggay Hall pala ngean.

I am not.

2011-11-28T16:28:00.001+08:00

Re-sharing, from Litol Miss.

November

2011-11-21T14:00:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to post something up-- days and moments I want to share to the world (or kun hin-o man it nabasa hini) and every time I type, I just can't seem to complete the sentence. So drafts pile up (na naman). It's me being lazy or being busy, or being busy AND lazy.

November. Well hello there!
You've been so awesome and I hope the rest of your days will be just as wonderful.
Being a frequent house guest/overnighter at my second family's place all started on the 1st of November. Cloaking the silence by adding another person to share the place with. But the names and beautiful memories forever resound. I may not feel the same way they do, but it burdens my heart seeing them sad. Chos. But really. I miss the kids too.

I have the worst memory one could imagine so forgive me, I won't be able to go into details because my forever #fail mind could only remember so much.

Although I can tell you this: birthdays (Tatay, bf, me), christening, Manila trip, overnighters.

Pictures to be uploaded when this procrastination fades.

Wherever you go

2011-10-26T09:31:00.000+08:00

And though really all these moments are just in my head
I'll be thinking about them as I'm lying in bed
And I know that really it might not even come true
But in my mind I'm having a pretty good time with you.

Life begins

2011-10-11T11:28:00.000+08:00

Just when I was starting to feel comfortable, when things seem to be just fine, you had to leave. It feels like losing a dear friend, an awesome boss. You always have the right words to say, the intellect, the expertise. You are as impressive as your works are.

Nine months. You've been the highlight of my work too. I am proud to say I had the opportunity to work with such great talent-- with you. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us, for trusting me, for boosting my self-esteem when I just thought I lost it all. THANK YOU.

We shall meet again.
And we will dance to the beat once again.

See you.

Jean

....

2011-09-18T19:06:00.000+08:00

The moment I felt my phone vibrated somewhere inside my bag, I knew I was in for some, uh, big trouble. No guessing was needed to find out who it was and why. Three in the morning and I was still not in my bed.

Series of unfortunate events. A warning was given: "Mag-istorya kita buwas hit aga!"
That kept me from going out of my bedroom door- the whole day today. I was wrong to think I was safe. Containing the things thrown to me by shouts was too difficult. Then I forgot how to go out of my room.

People need to learn how to appreciate, the psychology behind it and how a simple word of appreciation boosts someone's morale. People need to practice it more often. Maybe then we could finally live in a world close to perfect. Maybe then I wouldn't be this broken.

Ah shit. Haven't eaten the whole day. WTH.

Losing Grip

2011-09-04T18:57:00.005+08:00

It's like picking up what was broken- but not trying to fix it (because it's too much of a cliché!). You hit the room, slam the door shut, dive head-first to your bed, cuddle and feel the solitude in fetal position. Aaack, drama.

I was, again, reasoning with myself as I walk out of that door (and wishing it would be like those mushy movies where someone runs after you, not) whether I was wrong, insensitive, or just plain tactless. Oh, and I almost got ran over by a speeding bus. Talk about being careless.

Found every piece of what was left behind and tried to man up to it. Justin Timberlake, Y U KEEP singing Closing Time? And it's Semisonic, not Third Eye Blind. There, feeling a little better. I will sleep now.

Note to self: TRY to never again invite oneself into helping others. Wait for them to ask for it.

It's not who you want to spend Friday night with. It's who you want to spend all day Saturday with.
~Tommy

Fried Neurons

2011-08-10T16:29:00.002+08:00

As of this moment, I crave for serenity. For peace of mind. For focus.
One task down. XX more to go. And I'm on my 7th hour already. How's that?

Weekend.
Raid Tanawan Adventure Race on its 5th year.
5 years of being a marshal. When will I step out and race, they ask. Oh well.

~~P.S.~~

~~I'm tired. Shift almost over. Will get this done/edited when I have the time.~~

OK so I did not have the time to actually finish this post (read: lazy). Things and days were moving too fast. I can't seem to find "focus". I'm getting tired of having to face the computer/laptop every minute, every day. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It's just that, my eyes are already complaining. Bummer.

I had to take a day off (sick leave, they call it), away from any digital device, away from my "eye sore". Heaven. But then I had to go back to work.

Note to self: Save up for a pair of anti-glare eyeglass for less headache complaints.

Shout out to Justine. Miss you. Love you!

Stereo Hearts

2011-07-21T16:46:00.004+08:00

My heart's a stereo
It beats for you, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note.

Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

life and their stories

2011-07-16T19:48:00.001+08:00

Life, as they say, is always full of surprises. But then again, there are those predictable moments that you wish never existed in the first place.

Work.
Like a relationship sometimes may be, it's complicated. But feeling isolated never had a chance to float. There may have been those entities that serve as roadblocks, but there are a couple or more who are willing to take my back, and help me form my own spine. They may not know, for expressing to them my gratefulness I can't show, but I am and will be forever thankful. Never in my life did I felt APPRECIATED, until this.

Today I witnessed my mentor dropped a tear or two. And it broke my heart. I wish my hug could have done so much. I wish I could tell her things will be okay but then I would be lying. Now it made me realize (all over again) how easy it is to lose someone, how life could be very unfair and cruel.

They wished me all the best and hoped that I have made the best decision that they were not able to do.
I'm pretty sure I did.
But still, the thought sends chills down my spine.
What if it happens to me?

aircon advisory

2011-05-27T16:06:00.000+08:00

Drafts pile up as I try to construct a paragraph or two. It has been too long, yes?

Four months, and 3 days today to be exact. Quite an experience for a totally different work from the degree and title I've earned. Not a totally alien environment though. It's my home (now) away from home. And I'm learning. "Continuing education" eh?

Plastic mug with Taz embossed print half empty of coffee, earphones plugged (and not yet returned to owner! Lmao), the new monitor I'm staring at is now full of sticky notes, and the slim keyboard of Apple I'm very much in love with, all tasks done days early, and now I'm left yet again with the same dilemma: What to do?

One more hour and my pretention ends. HR is power tripping. This is not how it's supposed to be. This is not how stiff and strict the office should be (ours, anyway).

Am I in hell?
Room's too hot.
Stop thinking about yourself.
We're 9 more people, add as up and we can knock you down. :P

Terrified

2011-05-05T14:59:00.002+08:00

I only said it 'cause I mean it,
I only mean it 'cause it's true.
So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming,
'cause it fills me up and holds me close whenever I'm without you.

I had a moment to stop, listen to the music, and zap myself back to the time I first heard it. I've been randomly posting music and videos lately, lacking words to convey what I want to. I try to type but then I'd press backspace far too many times. My thoughts then end up as drafts.

Scattered thoughts. Scattered life.

No update. Nothing exciting or new happened, is happening, or will happen. :)
Making an entry because I don't know what else to do to kill time. In office atm, limited movement. 2 more hours. Ugh.

245 days and counting.

Strangers, Again.

2011-04-25T10:07:00.003+08:00

past

2011-04-18T14:59:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I've already forgotten how it was a year ago.
Selective memory loss.
I dug a hole, threw the bitter days in, covered the pit and turned my back.
Going back to recall those unhappy days would be self-torture-- destructive.

Browsing through my archives, I'm still thankful I had those days. At least I can say I did what I could, even if it meant pushing down my pride and self-esteem, and now I'm happy. Perhaps.

And so I focus on happy times. You might as well do the same. :)

shape up

2011-04-13T16:10:00.002+08:00

If you're filled with affection
You're too shy to convey
Meditate in my direction
Feel your way.

You're the one that I want. :)

true that!

2011-03-30T13:33:00.001+08:00

Common sense. But it never hurts to remind guys once in a while.

Things Guys Should Never Do To Girls:

Make fun of her hair, face, body, or clothes.Seriously, don't.
Overuse sarcasm. It's one thing to joke, it's another to speak sarcasm as a second language.
Flirt with other girls. It doesn't make us want you more, it just makes us angry.
Cheat. Never in any way will you get away with it.
Make promises they can't keep. If you can't follow through, don't say it.
Say "I love you" when they don't mean it. If the girl you "loved" gained 300 pounds, would you still love her? That's what I thought.
Lie. You will get caught. Don't ever under any circumstances try to keep a lie going with a girl. It will not work.
Deny things that are true. If a girl confronts you about something, she knows the truth. Denying it makes her more angry. Grow some balls and own up to it.
Pressure her. If she wants to do something with you, she will.
Talk about other girls. Don't say they're hot, pretty, or even nice. We don't want to hear it.
Talk to her about their exes. If you're saying nice stuff, we'll assume you still like them. If you say shit, we'll assume you'll do the same about us.
Say shit behind her back. No matter how much you try to keep it a secret, she will hear about it.
Be a dick to her in front of their friends. They might think it's funny, but she will definitely not.
Try to make it look like something was her fault to get yourself out of trouble. It will make things much, much worse.
Ask why she's mad at you. Say you were wrong and apologize. Do not say you didn't do anything wrong. If she's mad, you obviously did something.
Joke about wanting to break up. It won't be taken as a joke, and you'll be single before you can tell her you were kidding.
Tell her she's overreacting. If you thought she was mad before, prepare to meet the she-beast from hell.
Go to parties or hang out with other girls without your girlfriend. No matter how much she trusts you, she will be worried.
Make excuses. If you screwed up, don't try to get out of it.
Talk to her when you're mad. You will screw something up and end up regretting it.

I don't say I agree with all, but yeah, true that!
I'm just lucky to have someone who doesn't do any of the above. :)

MTWTHFSS

2011-03-04T20:15:00.001+08:00

This week has been uneventful except maybe for Monday and (*hopefully*) today.
Monday was end-of-the-month day in the office. I forgot about that. Good thing I was an hour early for my shift. We had ice creams (all sorts of flavors!) and cupcakes (tuna+olive flavored-experiment-cupcake by Ate Vivian). A good way to start the shift.

Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Ah, Friday.
Sales Night Out today. A little something for the teams being able to go way beyond quota. Syempre upod kami. :)) We were told to start our shift two hours earlier today. Then we're out by 10. ~~Pictures to follow.~~ Scratch that. Pictures will take a hundred years before they'll be uploaded.

And I didn't enjoy the dinner and booze much. Cramps. I was barely holding on to my consciousness. Maybe a couple more minutes of stay and I would have ended on the floor. D' Coach for dinner (sumptuous!) and Circue for booze and karaoke. I got myself a bottle of GPS and a shot of margarita before the cramps totally kicked in.

Saturday, we (Dirt crew) were invited for a blowout party. Went home around 1am-ish. To the host: you could be a little more sensitive next time. Haha. :P

Sunday. Bed all day with terrible headache and low-grade fever. Ugh. Eyes.

Monday. Today. I got myself a bad bruise on my left arm while traveling to the office. Had an emergency stop over at the nearest drugstore for first aid. Ang malas. T_T

rain on me

2011-03-03T23:43:00.005+08:00

You're every minute of my everyday. :)

Pardon the spelling mistake ("your" instead of "you're").
This is the only good embed-able video of the song.

droplets

2011-02-21T14:28:00.000+08:00

It sure was a beautiful sight. Full moon, clear sky, silent street, friends.
Solitude. The irony.

A drop or two, and the insensitivity.
I am in no mood for this atmosphere and reasoning with myself I try. At the end of all this, I always win over my fucked up emotions. Positivity. More comforting than wallowing in depression and disappointments. :)

I was difficult to see, but you picked me.

palpatory beat

2011-02-16T22:03:00.001+08:00

TGIF was what I was thinking last week. Although I barely had 1.5hours of sleep and had to get back to work before 7am (from a 4pm-1am shift Thurs + 1hour travel home), I didn't care. I was up for another 9hours of work knowing at the end of the day will be rewarding. :)

Friday. 5PM-ish.
Downtown with Makoy, looking for something to complete my first ever creation of nappy cake, my christening gift for Bb Macoy. (My phone ALMOST got snatched, btw. Maupay nala makusog pa tak senses. Haha.)

Saturday. 9am.

Attended the pre-Jordan seminar with Kuya Nonoy and Ate Leizl (boyfriend's sister). Then off to Gaisano Central to shop with them + Tatay (boyfriend's father). Makoy came after having his haircut and joined us. Past 12 noon and we were heading home. 1pm and I was making munchkins for the christening of Baby Macoy the following day with the help of boyfriend and Ate Leny. We have to do this more often. I was having too much fun. >_<

Sunday. 10am.

Christening day (and whole day blackout!).

Left to Right: Baby Marc Lei, Kuya Nonoy, Baby Marielle, Ate Leizl, Tita Ninang, Tito Makoy

Monday. 12noon-ish.

Love day. And work day. Before I head back to the office to start another week of work, I was invited to have lunch at boyfriend's house. As I was about to leave for work, I got a surprise.

Nakaka-smile la gihap ak kutob yana whenever I remember how he gave me those flowers. Effort na effort! Thank you, Mark Gil! :)

[P.S.

this has been a draft entry since Monday, and yana (Wednesday) ko la natapos. 4pm-1am shift -- home by 2am -- awake by 11am -- prepare by 1pm -- back to work by 2:30pm and so on. That's how my weekdays are, so waray la anay GG, Nikita, Grey's Anatomy, and Pretty Little Liars for me. Nyehe.]

[P.P.S.

After an hour of Pista sa Nayon theme in the office + sumptuous dinner (Filipino style), we were all sleepy. My eyes were too heavy that I was able to finish a tumbler of freshly brewed Komodo Dragon Blend to keep me awake and sane haha. And now currently having my second tumbler. Guatemala Antigua this time. Yes, we have Starbucks coffee in the office.]

obligatory entry

2011-02-07T21:41:00.004+08:00

Okay so I'm supposed to update this blog (2 weeks na tak utang).
And I promised myself to update over the weekend. Didn't happen.
Kay udog nga DORELCO naparayaw.
~~Will edit this once the electricity is back.~~

For now, nakiki-net ha office. Haha.

[edit]
02-08-11
I went home early this morning (1am) from my shift to a place already well-lighted. Salamat naman DORELCO.
For a bit of update:

I'm on my third week at work.
The pruritus is still keeping me awake for hours when I'm supposed to be resting already. And yes, I diagnosed myself of having Pityriasis Rosea. Now if only antihistamines work well on me. Tsk.
Driving ~~101~~ Refresh with Papa and brother. I'm now officially allowed by Papa to drive. Rule of not allowing girls to drive in our family was lifted for me, yey. xD
After months of rain, was finally able to bask under the warm sun while floating along the soft waves and pondering on how to run my life from here on out.
I received an SMS which reads: "Congratulations! You have been chosen as RNHeals Trainee. Please call NLFO at 3256292 for details." I am ignoring this. Although a great opportunity, but I have/want to pass. (I just noticed, the phone number they gave is only 1 digit away from our home number, amazing.)
I received another offer from a big company that is currently looking for IT people (I was referred by a friend though I don't know if I really have the knowledge for those stuff, and yes, I declined again.)

Random::
I will ~~try~~ be updating my co.cc site within the week.
Then prolly apply for student's license (though I wanna do it together with boyfriend.).
Will keep myself focused on IMPORTANT things aka PRIORITIES and not be led astray by my table-mates (nyehe). Anything Mac is labeled unimportant. Sorry guys. :P

P.S.
I've been checking my phone every minute the whole day today. Maybe just expecting too much.
Anyway, happy 153rd to us. :)

sma

2011-01-24T20:17:00.001+08:00

Today I filled up and signed an awful lot of papers.
Today marks the start of something new.
Today is my first step to financial independence (hopefully haha).
Today I had vegetable salad + frozen yogurt (with a lot of strawberry and nuts!). :P

Slacking ends ~~now~~ tomorrow. Nyehehe.

Hiatus Lifted

2011-01-17T13:25:00.002+08:00

My short hiatus ended yesterday. I'm fine now, health-wise.
~~I'll be updating this but when I have the time na.~~

I got a week or so of cutting myself off the world wide web, be sick (and just enjoy it, 'cos I got tired of fighting it off), and reflect on things (an essay on how do I see myself 5 years from now was part of an exam I took last Saturday, buti nalang nkapagreflect beforehand!). I even thought of closing this blog down (refer to previous entry), but I just can't. It's still serving its purpose: being my emotional outlet and stuff like that or whatever.

forever and ever, babe. ;)

nigh

2011-01-11T12:36:00.002+08:00

It's the silence that puts the period in goodbye.
It's the pride that eats you up inside.

For how long this would last, I have no clue.
Only that, maybe, farewell is nigh,
Don't get me wrong, but I've tried.

--
Another day to lay in bed and just ~~enjoy~~ being sick (emo, lol).
Ate up my last Krispy Kreme (brunch + snack). Thanks, Justine! <3

Edit:
I will be on hiatus starting today until... well, ~~I don't know~~ until I get better.
That would include my facebook, my phone, this blog, my twitter, and whatever connects me from whatever it is outside my room. That being said, farewell for now.

battle royale

2011-01-05T13:39:00.005+08:00

It's the fifth day of the year 2011 and it's freezing cold. It's been raining non-stop for days nao. And aylabeet. :D
My efan finally been able rest after been used almost 24hours a day last year. And after a lot of times I bailed from eat out invitations, I got over my laziness and food trip we had. Menu for that day (I forgot when, ohgawd):
sharksfin, crab egg roll, crab nuggets, lobsterball, garlic stix, all-meat overloaded pizza, beef quesadilla, burritos, german franks, choco chip creame d-lite, and iskrambol! We wanted to add more, but all hands were full. Anyway, so much for the foods.

From the group that brought you the AntiGravity Session, here comes another not-your-ordinary climbing competition: Battle Royale! For all outdoor and climbing enthusiasts, check out the details here.

“We gather once again, not to compete with each other,
but to show everyone else that climbing
is about dancing on a vertical floor.
It is about connecting with the rock. It is about being free.
Climbing is about passion.

We start a revolution on the 26th of February year 2011.

We are the resistance!

NK”

P.S.
Good luck on your mock defense, boyfriend!
I love you. <3

pabuto

2010-12-31T22:45:00.000+08:00

2010, you were such an awful lot of a roller coaster ride.
This year, I :
- passed the board exam
- added a title to my name
- enjoyed much of the outdoor
- fell in love
- was hurt
- got tangled in complications
- volunteered in a grand medical mission
- had my first pay as a photographer
- had my first wedding shoot
- got drunk and threw up, for the second time
- assisted in the delivery of a baby boy, 3 in the morning,
raining, in a hut, with a lamp.
- decided to end a friendship, almost.
- promised to drink alcoholic beverages no more, and failed
- had HEADACHES, sa kasabot lang
- found my happy thought
- had my first Christmas with boyfriend and his family
- had my ups & downs

365 days, and I'm very thankful to have lived through it.
Friends, thank you for sharing this year with me.
And to whoever I may have hurt in any way, I am deeply sorry.
2011, welcome. :)

Namamasko po!

2010-12-26T10:47:00.001+08:00

'Tis the season to be jolly, falala la la la la la la!

Every year, this is the season that I'm always excited about. It's like the reunion of ~~everything~~everyone. Family, friends, loved ones, pets, you get the point. But this year, I wasn't expecting much of it. Mainly because the friends I always spend this holiday season with (most of them), are not here to celebrate with. Kasumo niyo! Haha. :P Pero okay lang, I enjoyed much of it still, with boyfriend and his family. :)

Anyhoo, the rest of us (Kevin, Ahmed, Kenneth, me) heard the mass, the usual time, the usual place, the usual funny moments. I think Kenneth should be in the grand choir, he sang like he's the only person in the world. We waited till the fireworks display was over, then inside the church we went to take our yearly christmas pictures (which reminds me, I still have to have a copy of those from Kenneth). I had to run off fast though, 'cos it was almost midnight and almost Papa's birthday.

dec 25, 2010 12:31 a.m.

The only picture we had with Papa. I had to admit, I was too lazy to take pictures.

Few hours after, I hurriedly went to boyfriend's house to celebrate the Christmas with them. Thank you Menaya family for the invitation! :D (no pictures as well, too busy enjoying the moment haha).

or maybe one, taken by boyfriend.

me and his nanay enjoying the ham + beer (that he finished drinking for me lmao)

So there goes my Christmas.

Happy birthday, Jesus!

Happy birthday, Papa!

Merry Christmas everyone! <3

3-Day Battle

2010-12-20T16:58:00.004+08:00

HA! After three torturing days, I finally woke up feeling better.

First day:

urinary frequency & urgency

fever

chills

LLQ pain

nocturia

disturbed sleep pattern

Second day:

same as first day, with on and off fever, and joint pains.

that would be me looking messy on Day 2.

Third day:

S & Sx from 1st & 2nd day no longer present, except for the on & off fever, but with low back pain, which scared me because all symptoms add up to not just plain UTI but cystitis. So I added antibiotic in my meds. Before noon, all cystitis symptoms were gone, and with a few hours more of rest, I thought maybe I'll be able to go out with boyfriend and bukid boys who were planning on watching Tron: Legacy. FAIL.

Just when I was about feeling better, throbbing headache kicked in. A little move from here and there, it felt like all the veins in my brain were being pulled, plus an episode of vomiting. I felt helpless that all I could do was stay in bed and cry. Q_Q

Fourth day:

All is good. I guess. :D

feeling better + boyfriend on text marathon + Lazy Song by B. Mars

just this afternoon after doing some christmas shopping for the kids.

i'm wearing boyfriend's t-shirt.

Messy entry. My apologies.

chills

2010-12-18T20:39:00.000+08:00

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved you before, and she may love again, but if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect, you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her hand and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break-- her heart. So don't hurt her, change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."

I'm on day 2 of my battle (ha!) with fever & chills.

Chills got crazy that Papa wanted to bring me to the hospital, I declined. I don't want to spend the remaining days before Christmas in a hospital. So here I am, trying my very best to take care of myself. Nursing a nurse.

---

24hours without telephone and internet connection (Bayantel why you suck?). Minutes before the phone and net were back, the electricity went down (DORELCO, why you suck more?) That was 11hours of no electricity. Sumasabay sa sakit, eh?

Run run run

2010-12-08T12:28:00.000+08:00

"Whenever we give up something we really care about, we hope that the universe will reward our selfless choice. However, it's not always fate that gives us a gift, sometimes it's someone closer to home." GG

Chasing shadows, chasing time

Crossing borders, crossing lines

Jumping oceans tryin' to get away.

Yes I can run.

But I can't escape your love.

stigmatized

2010-12-01T15:44:00.000+08:00

I am ~~terribly mad~~ sad about last night. I went to downtown (at all cost) to see the one person that could possibly paint a smile on my face. I didn't know the guys had other plans for the night, and as much as I wanted to go with you all and stay longer, I can't. I was at the brink of throwing tantrums that I silently walked my way to the jeepney, wrong move I guess, 'cos the moment I looked back to say goodbye to you, you were gone.

So yeah, I'm sorry that I wanted to stay longer. :)

One picture (or two or three), it took just a picture to forget why I'm all moody.

boyfriend trying to tie my hair. fail. haha.

photo credits: Ate Archie.

Add to that, the video that reminds me of good old days, of why I hear your voice whenever Stigmatized is playing.

Radin-itis

2010-11-28T19:59:00.001+08:00

Since a friend is spamming my news feed with one of my favorite singer & songwriter, Joshua Radin, I can't help myself but be awed all over again. Ah, nostalgia.

His songs are like the perfect music for every mood I'm in, for every emotions I'm drowning, and for every memories that linger.

Heartbreaking love songs.

:: Random.
Been grumpy the whole day and totally uncommunicative. Forgive me.
Hormones.
Disappointments.
And a neighbor with a gun threatening my brothers.
POINT IT AT THEM AGAIN AND YOU'RE GETTING NOT ONLY SUBPOENAS.
AND I'M DEAD SERIOUS.

Oh, and their family (neighbor) is currently having karaoke (pretty much NOISE) and getting drunk (again). If you hear nothing from me tomorrow, prolly I've been shot dead. #imjustsayin

11-21-10

2010-11-22T10:24:00.000+08:00

Supposed to wake up early for this day (Sunday) since LSF, Inc. is having a photo marathon (and our Sec. Gen. birthday celebration) but I decided to just sleep it off. I got tired from the other day's (Saturday) walking (while boyfriend and friends were refreshing on their navigational skills) from V&G Subd phase 3, Maharlika Hwy, stopover at Justine's for a quick visit, then back on the road and ended up in Bukid. So yea, late body reaction is late, I felt tired the following day. Sorry you had to carry my 1.5kg~ bag & lappy throughout the walk, love. You didn't have to, but nonetheless, I appreciate it much. <3

6:53a.m. Sunday and I already got two SMS from Sec Gen (Kuya Jayson) reminding us of the photo marathon. I was not in the mood. Shut my eyes again.
9:41a.m. Another SMS, this time from Mr. Founder (Sir Dave), telling everyone to gather at the HQ for the birthday celebration (free lunch & dinner).

He knows how to hit the weak spot. I got up upon reading "FREE lunch & dinner" hahahahaha.
I was at the HQ around 11-ish but it was close. WHAAAAT. I texted them and was almost annoyed at the fact that I traveled 26km~ for nothing LOL. They were in Bo's alright. I was already expecting that the photo marathon did not push through, and I was right. They were all just sitting there, sipping coffee & fruit shakes and eating grilled cheese. I was having a bad feeling about what's gonna happen next. Cutting it short, one by one people disappeared before lunch and I was like "WHERE'S MY FREE LUNCH" wahahaha. I was too freakin' hungry maaan! Got no money as well. WTH. T_T

Good thing though, boyfriend & his high school barkada's plan for the day pushed through. I was invited to join them instead. Sorry to butt in like that, I got nowhere else to go. *sniff*

Free dinner was free, only that it was not until 8p.m. at Ocho's. Decided to just go home and call it a day.
I think I made quite a few acquaintances, and I'm happy about that.
Thank you, love. ♥

Open Letter

2010-11-17T14:27:00.007+08:00

To whoever may be reading this:

There's this trail of unending decision making which sets up the next stone we step on, creating a whole new future everytime. Back tracking to when I have decided that happiness is a choice, my choice, hurt feelings were a necessary casualty. Avoidance of such was and will always be my primary goal, sacrificing whatever is possible. But comes a point when giving up so much of me for somebody else I thought was making me happy, I stop to clear my mind and let it do the logical thinking, then leave. Just as they always say about me, I am the one who turns around without a word, explanations left to be deciphered, reasons stacked in pile and left on the ground.

When I chose to be happy with anyone, along with it came a big empty box.
It is never my character to complain, confront, or demand.
That's where the big empty box comes in.
I fill it with every mistake, anger, and sadness that go unheard.
A lot of times, this box gets full and I have to throw it away.
As silent as it is, seeing it coming is far too difficult even for me.
Two walking, breathing, living humans are witnesses to that.

I chose to be happy today.
Please let me not get to the point of making the decision of throwing away the box, or fill it up to begin with.

---
Grammatical errors here and there, forgive me, I'm too beat up to check on it right now.

replay

2010-11-14T00:37:00.005+08:00

Currently lying in my bed, trying to sleep while I type. And I'm getting random memories of the same day 8,760 hours ago.

It was the best way to start another year for me. Cheesy pero hiya nagkompleto nak adlaw. (aside from close friends' company of course)
Though I have to admit I got disappointed when they had to play as a band somewhere on the same day we were to celebrate. Buuuuuuuuuut! He showed up just as we were about to leave. Lipay gad. Hahaha. :D

If only memories are like a movie played on vlc, that day would be on constant rewind/replay.

[edit starts here]
Adding a couple more paragraphs because I'm too lazy to make a new entry.

I intentionally changed my fb setting to hide my birth date, firstly to avoid notif flood, and second, to know who'll be able to remember my birthday. Nyehe.

I got a couple of private messages from close friends, one which stood out from the rest: Jake, the person responsible for my computer games & good music addictiveness way back early college years. My very own "taga-saway" whenever I stray from academic-focus-shit. Posting this because I miss you big time Cinco! I still have your "saway" messages, reminders of your good side HAHA, adi sample:

Friendster message Oct. 26, 2006:
From: Jake Cinco
Subject: ATTENTION
Message: U R NOT ALLOWED TO USE THE COMPUTER OR CELLPHONE.
STUDY HARD! GOOD LUCK!!!

I got no plans of celebrating, we are so broke that asking for even a small celebration would be too much right now. I woke up around 7am and rushed to hear a mass. Went home and stayed in my room the whole morning, my usual routine. Cousins came over and prepared lunch for everyone. Wow. Boyfriend and Paul came too, and finished the remaining 36 episodes of Shaman King, slept around 5 in the morning, and that was it.

I knew though that something was up when Makoy did not greet me the whole day. Haha. Kaya pala. Thanks for technically being the last person to greet me. Joo are so sweet. ;) We shall be each others "last".

To those who greeted, a million thanks and may we all be blessed.

rock-a-bye

2010-11-12T22:04:00.003+08:00

Today I sat for 10 hours listening to them old-folks-far-more-experienced-than-us blabber about this and that. What a productive day.

Well, it wouldn't have been interesting if not for one person.

IWe weren't expecting students to be attending the regional congress, and to my very own surprise (insert wide-eyed me being stupefied), this person stood an arms length from me. She must've seen me, and no, I'm not being "assuming", nakadamo ko hiya madakop hin diri tinuyo, nga cge hin siplat, LOL, while the convention was on going and even in the wash room. Maygad. Ano tak sala, pare? :))

Other than that, the day was boring, the food was great (pero kulang hin duro ha ak, though thanks madamo kan Kees for giving me his share of salad haha), the speakers were okay, I pledged for justice for "Florence", got myself additional certificate, and I'm still broke. Konek? Nyehehe.

Abkors, I missed my boypren. As usual. T_T

Bah~

2010-11-11T22:44:00.000+08:00

Nothing to look forward to these days.
It's depressing. But who am I to complain.
Bah~

rhythm of love

2010-10-29T12:37:00.003+08:00

My heart beats like a drum, a guitar string to the strum, a beautiful song to be sung.

Been anxious about something for about four days, almost to the point of getting scared of the "what ifs" but I can't show you that, or let you know at least. But the wait is over and I can now safely admit to you that though I was so sure (250% :P ), it scared the hell out of me. Haha.

Now this song is on repeat. Yey for good music. I'll be resting to the rhythm of love. ;)

pre-churva syndrome

2010-10-27T08:27:00.000+08:00

Pretty much disappointed that the long-awaited-supposed-to-be-fun-and-adventurous trip to Paranas is, well, not gonna happen. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? T_T

Too early for the staff and caretakers' holiday off, no?

Plan B: Kalanggaman
Buuuuuuuut, it's not really the right time of the year. Too dangerous. The current is too strong even on summer days, crossing to and from the island is treacherous.

Plan C: [insert a great outdoor place here]
Okay, so no plan C yet.

Out-of-sheer-frustration-plan: Attend the camping class of NU-LOC. Mwahaha. Joke. xD

PMS-ing.
Ugh.

IMY

2010-10-20T16:31:00.000+08:00

Can't think of anything sensible to post.
But I wanna update just so I have something to do aside from missing the boyfriend. =/
It's been two days now and we're not really used to not being together, even 2 inches apart is sad. Unavoidable circumstances, that's why (if you're wondering, which I doubt).

BUT!
I get to go out tomorrow.
Hooraaah! :D

Oh, and I'm phone-less now.
My Nokia-something gave up on me last night and won't power up, asya nag ilob la anay han ak guba guba gihap nga Samsung. And early today, samsung gave up on me too. Wow naman. Now I have to borrow my papa's other phone. Waray kwarta, waray igparalit bag-o. Haha. :P

Latest eps of Grey's Anatomy to occupy me for the rest of the evening.
Tomorrow I'll be smiling again.

Pipino (cucumber) for snack, anyone?

I'm So Korni Like This

2010-10-12T08:21:00.008+08:00

Free-Fall

2010-10-08T00:14:00.000+08:00

Tactless.
Insensitive.
Loud.
Unpicturesque.
Clingy.

I'm all that. And I could even effortlessly put you in a very bad mood with just a single word.
I never intend to. Lord knows I only want you happy.
Now when I think it over, I wonder if I ever made your day.

Kulang pa siguro tak efforts.
Ay la. :)

Cheers to our 30th~

silence

2010-10-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

They were busy and they all look tired.
I sat down on a corner where I could freely watch you through the glass window.
I was drowning in my own subconscious that I didn't realize someone was trying to talk to me.

"Ngayaik ka Jean nga ginkakastorya ka di mo ak gin aasi," a near-shout statement from Marck that I barely heard but enough to catch my attention.

"HA?"
He shook his head in disappointment. Weh, kadrama.

I continued what I was secretly happy doing. My gaze following wherever you go, whatever you do. And I was hoping that maybe, maybe, you'd notice and smile back. Amo gud la nak ginhihinulat. Kontento na unta ak.

Marck: "Han kamo ni J, nagsugad ka ba hito gihap Jean?"
Ako: "Waray."
Silence.
A few more seconds and Marck spoke again, now to someone sitting next to him.
"Kun mayda magsugad hito nga uyab ko ha ak, diri ko na gud bubul-iwan."

I smiled, and stared at you again.
At least someone knows how to appreciate even the smallest effort. :)

Rainy days and Fridays.

2010-10-01T23:11:00.001+08:00

Twenty three (happy) days and counting.

Sure there were a couple of deafening silence every once in a while, but who cares, that's US.

I couldn't be thankful enough.

Moving on.

I'm still unemployed as of writing.

Work = Money, therefore, Me = Broke.

A shout out to those who are financially able (read: students with baon, professionals with sweldo), feed my hungry stomach by buying a slumbook from me. It's a hardbound slumbook/notebook entitled "Akala mo lang wala nang Slumbook, pero meron, meron, meron!", taking you back to the time before Formspring Q&As and Facebook wall posts, when all that mattered was defining love and revealing your crush(es) on notebooks. It's the new generation slam book with a twist. PALIT NA! Oo ginpipirit ko ikaw. (PM me or leave a short note on my tagboard and I'll get back to you, pramis pa daw.)

Moving on, again.

Hello, October! You came at last, accompanied with a lot of activities which means more gasto. Wrong timing!

Oct 3 - Lake Danao Photoshoot with LSF Club Inc. & OPS (Ormoc Photographic Society) [Php 500!]

Oct 16-17 - BIG 3 Photography Seminar [Php 3,500! /wrist]

Oct 17 - Palo Adventure Race

Oct 18-19 - Biliran Outing with LSF Club Inc. [forgot how much but sure is $$$$$!]

Oct 22-24 - Xtobre Climbing Competition (Cebu) [budget of 3k /huhu]

What it'll be: No Lake Danao (saves 500), no Big 3 (another big saving, though I know I'll be missing a lot on this), no adventure race (i'm not really going anyway), no outing (sayang but I don't care, may mas importante ak nga plano), no Xtobre (diri man ak ngani macompete haha). I'm sorry LSF, but a very close friend is far more important than any of these things combined.

I'm excited for next week and the week after that. Woot~

Sana tapos na't iyo finals by that time. ;)

it's cold and it's raining,

and i've been waiting.

doubt

2010-09-21T23:10:00.000+08:00

I just had a weird and awkward conversation with someone I used to call 'friend' ('used to'-- communication gap, you know). She set down words I'm having trouble understanding, which bugs me to the core.

I have no business being bothered by you, nor should I feel insecure.
Truth is, you're haunting us, you're trying hard to make your presence be felt, and you're creeping the living hell out of me, but NO, you are nowhere near pulling my sanity along with you.

I'm guessing you want me to apologize for something great that happened to me.
No ma'am, it's no ones fault but yours. :)

Thanks for being happy for me though. (let's pretend I'm convinced that you mean it)
Cheers!

9-8-10

2010-09-08T11:54:00.000+08:00

This is going to be the start of the rest of our lives.
Char.

Salamat han mga malipayon para ha am. :D

♥ ♥ ♥

2010-09-04T09:54:00.002+08:00

Thank you. :)

I had the happiest week so far, and I don't want to end it just yet.

Even if we change and fall out of,
you hold my hand and it's better than love.
- Griffin House

P.S.
~~I need not be scared, right?~~
~~Those two are harmless, right?I need not feel this jealousy, right?~~

jolly holiday

2010-09-02T10:40:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas!

-ber months, I love the smell of you. :D
To spend endless nights of fun with them again is bliss.
Ah, memories. :)

Another round of simbang gabi moments this 2010.
Ha waray ngadi, sorry naman. Tuyo la ada ka Canada. Haha :P

breakable

2010-08-22T17:32:00.002+08:00

Happy - Sad - Happy - Sad. A cycle proven too many times at too many instances, preventing me to be overly joyous in fear of night long tears, and giving me hope that the rain will end somehow.

Three gloomy days.
And as usual, I don't know what went wrong. Nor will I ever know, I fear.
I tried to reach out, that's what I always do, even after I decided not to.
Then I just tried too many times, failed countless times, and don't wonder if I give up now.
Maybe then you'll decide to reach out to me too.
Or not.

You're not the only one who could be sensitive, love.
Throw that selfishness away.

All we can do is keep breathing now.

Ingrid Michaelson, melancholic is what you make me, today.

Aug 23 edit:
I failed again, in keeping my own decision. Hello you. I missed you.

out of the void

2010-08-16T14:38:00.000+08:00

One could be more than happy by mere gesture of showing you to the world with all pride, hand in hand.
Okay, so not to the WHOLE world yet, maybe three-fourths of it. :D

To my dear carepig titeen: better be home on the end of october or whenever the sembreak is. we have plans and you will love it.

for the love of.. you

2010-08-10T20:42:00.000+08:00

I decided to stay at home today. Two reasons: 1. Tuesday (your sked means I won't be able to see you), 2. No other reason to be out.

Then I got bored at the middle of the day, hence the new layout.
Editing, coding, and whatnot kept my mind off you for a while. And now that I'm done, things revert to you, again. But hey, at least I know I'm not alone in this. :P Though I was embarrassed hearing what you were feeling that moment from a friend, I must admit I giggled at the fact that you miss me. Haha. So high school.

Also, I've been thinking about changing my FB's profile picture, para makabulos ak haim. xD
Maybe to something like this:

Too public.
Pero kay nauna ka naman ngani. Okay la siguro, next time. Haha.

P.S.
I hope to see you sometime soon, tomorrow perhaps?
Sunday is just too far I can't seem to wait a few days more.

14H

2010-08-04T19:12:00.004+08:00

Today is.. Wednesday. That was fast.

And my Tuesday was more than what I hoped for. More than I think it would be.

It started out with an awkward silence when we got there. The HUGE house is overwhelming.

Lucky us, the host did not make us feel any less comfortable.

14hours.

It went by so fast.

Foods. Drinks. Videoke. Pool. Sleepover. More food. Floating cottage. Beach.

Happy birthday Faye! :)

Raid Tanawan next. Humanda! XD

BTW, we rode a jeep with a gunshot victim and hours later, it was already in the local news. It seems like he, and another victim, did not make it and 3 more are still in the hospital. (Multiple)Murder-suicide. A few kilometers away from where we were.

more hours

2010-08-02T17:00:00.004+08:00

As what I've tweeted a few days back, the first day of august (SUNDAY!) is the day I've been excited about. Surprise surprise, as early as 9am, Kuya Tye and Romuel dropped by my place after surveying the race route, and left me a not so good news: the afternoon may not be what I've been hoping for.

Fine.

Back to bed, heavy heart, disappointed.

Until I decided to send an SMS.

Langya, pupunta naman din pala. Haha. Salamat han effort.

Bottom line: Sunday did not fail me.

Next day to get excited about: Tuesday.

That's Faye's pool party birthday celebration, and exclusively invited the Bukid boys+me. Overnight, maybe. More hours! Woot~

4th Raid Tanawan on Saturday. Yeayup! :)

Updating here, since I got no one to talk to. =/

eneteng puryu

2010-07-29T18:19:00.003+08:00

Keeping up with dates while you're being a bum is upsetting. I made plans for today and my mind was all set up with only one fact hanging: today is a Thursday. Why on earth I kept thinking that the 29th is a Friday got my day messed up. I wanted to boulder (compulsion, yes) so I got up earlier than usual, and on my way to the gym it hit me: 29 is today. today is 29. thursday. not friday. gadamit.

To cut short, I bouldered. Adto na, padayon nala. Then I had to leave by 12noon, ordered the birthday cake, grabbed some mixed fresh fruits, home. That was totally not my plan for today. But anyway, Happy 1st Birthday Shania Claire! Tita Lola loves you. :)

I wanted to see them, that's my original plan. See them before they dance, and maybe while they're at it if we get lucky. Hay. Chaka diri daw ak hini makasinggit. =/

P.S.

I had fun yesterday. It's always fun being us, comfortable, minding no one, them not minding us, because that's just us.

bum

2010-07-27T17:59:00.005+08:00

My days lately haven't been actually productive. The last thing that kept me busy was the wedding invitations (which BTW, I am proud to have been able to pull through), and the event is on Saturday already, which reminds me: I need something to wear, ASAP.

Pour Toujours = For Forever

So now that I was able to finish them earlier than expected, I'm left with days of pondering what to do next. I'm a jobless nurse, and a desperate one at that. Mapili udog, yukat.

And because I'm back to staying at home doing nothing but eat, net, sleep-- I feel physically unhealthy. Though I tried bouldering again (at 10am!), I can't stay on the wall for too long. Ah callous, I need you back. :(

On a lighter note, I'm on cloud nine. Yeeaayuup!

And my head actually sung "it's a beautiful morning!" (The Rascals) as I woke up today. Can't wait for Sunday. It's meeting day for Raid, and a chance. Hm.

Mahal.

sugar-coated

2010-07-24T13:52:00.002+08:00

24th of July

2:30am - 3:50am

Aba'y akalain mo, naubos ang i-don't-know-how-many minutes mo at 52mins call credits ko talking about random things tapos most of it tawa la ng tawa. Waste of credits pero worth it. Ikaw udog natitigda ka la pagtawag. :P

Hay. :)

the line is busy

2010-07-08T23:31:00.007+08:00

07.02-04.10

Volunteered as nurse in the 3-day Grand Medical Mission by the An Waray Party-list and the An Taclobanon Association of Southern California. Was supposedly assigned in the Dental area to assist, but was pulled out to take charge of dispensing reading glasses in the Optical group. We had the busiest, craziest, most exhausting area. Nonetheless, the best experience. My greatest reward: genuine smiles and big 'thank yous' from our clients.

07.06.10

My first paid solo shoot for the Nestlé Philippines at Rafael's Farm.And might be having another wedding shoot for one of their clients. Yey.

Nestlé Philippines & Maybelline New York

7:30pm, Went to McDo for some quick snack with Ryan, Nick, Makoy, Inchik, Kuya Frien, Ivy, and Alfred.

07.07.10
Too lazy to post process.
3:00pm, coffee and Joomla tutorial at Bo's c/o Jonas. Salamat ngean han blueberry cheesecake. Sunod naman. Haha.
4:30pm, Tambay ha bukid. Kuya Mikes dropped by to give me a copy of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Thanks madamo hani! :)
7:30pm, McDo again with the same company. Another happy night.

07.08.10
Still lazy to post process, but at least I was able to start with a few photos.
1:00pm, Attended my nephew's GPTA meeting.

4:00pm, Went to a nearby eatery and had adobo+rice (extra rice please), then went around downtown with Kuya Andrew and Kuya Mark, had ice cream and king size hot dog in a bun. Kay kuno, food therapy hi Kuya Mark. Haha.
6:30pm, Thursday meeting with LSF, Manangs afterwards.

Tomorrow/Later: Sunrise shoot and breakfast c/o an LSF member. Not feasible, for me.

I've been busy and happy these past few days with simple things that I ~~couldn't~~ wouldn't waste my time thinking of you. :)

paint the town

2010-06-28T10:02:00.003+08:00

06.27.10

7:00am and detours were already implemented-- finally feeling the festive spirit.

I had to travel early so as not to get stuck in the traffic, and meet with the LSF group for the Pintados Kasadyaan parade. My throbbing headache from the other day did not leave me just yet so I had to bear with it through the scorching hot weather.

11:47am, everyone was tired and to the headquarters we sought shelter.

Mothership Full House!

12:07pm, after introducing ourselves to the new members and a couple of group hugs, next agenda was lunch, but where? We had to look for a place that could accommodate our number.

1:30pm, an hour and a half of waiting for our food to be served and I was already worrying about being late for the meet-up (1pm) for the wedding shoot. Right after finishing my share of appetite, headed out immediately to Hotel Alejandro, while the rest of the group prepared to invade the grandstand.

Coffee Shop & Diner Invasion

2:00pm, to Buko Farm we went for the wedding, and it was super fun!

Coolest Couple!

8:30pm, went to RTR plaza to meet up with Makoy, Paul, Inchik, and Kuya Frienli. BBQ and (them) a bottle of RH, plus another bottle, then another one, until Kuya Frien was already dozing off in one corner. We were suppose to watch Slapshock in Teritoryo San Miguel, didn't happen, so I had to endure whatever was on stage in RTR.

2:00am, Brownman Revival, the main act for the night's show was up, but we were all tired and sleepy so we stayed a bit for one song.

2:30am, Zilog time.

3:56am, HOME! BED! AT LAST!

And now I have to finish post processing and be back to the city for a coffee date I promised my old friends after bailing out yesterday.

green

2010-06-22T02:25:00.000+08:00

For someone who's totally in need of something to get funds from, opportunities sprout everywhere, but can't exactly get a hold of it. I've been offered quite a few:

design and produce wedding invitations for a family friend.
shoot a church blessing.
2-day photoshoot for Nestlé with an expected 60 clients max.
3-day medical mission.

And it seems like everything is blurry, except for the wedding invitations. But on a slightly good note, I still have a chance on the private hospital volunteer thing and I really hope I get this one since my futile attempt on getting far far away to a new land overseas (or anywhere) with ANY job offer is somewhat impossible for now.

Just a quick update, I "think" I have my old friend back and it's great getting back on track. My Sunday (06.20.10) started a bit boring with no plans of going out, then I got an SMS invitation for an afternoon in the mall that I agreed to immediately.

Beef teriyaki noodles + Crab Rolls + Potato Corner Giga fries + Smurf Soda + Big cup Creamee D-Lite + 6minutes 3seconds unexpected call from a friend = HAPPY SUNDAY.

Oh and someone paid me a visit at home around past 10pm that night. Thanks. ;)

[edit starts here]

As of today, 06.25.10, church blessing photoshoot confirmed as well as the 2-day photoshoot for Nestlé. Yey me. Now I have to keep up with juggling my sked on the 27th: 0800H at Cua's for Pintados Festival coverage and 1600H at Buko Farm for church blessing, then back in time for dinner get-together at Manangs. Good luck to me.

like whoah

2010-06-05T14:24:00.000+08:00

0603

I wasn't able to utter a single word for everything that I was told. I did have clarrifying thoughts floating in my mind but I couldn't possibly construct a question for each. So I kept my mouth shut, and let the music through.

Disappointed, sad... but what the heck, now is what matters, and now is when ~~I'm happy being next to you. Char.~~ Ok, scratch that. (0606 edit)

0604

1500H

I tried learning the basics of knot tying. Yey me.

Someone helped me do it the right way. More yey for me.

1900H

Walked to Pindoko's for BBQ c/o Ivy.

Jason came and ate with us. Like WHOAH.

2000H

Next agenda, carnival.

Hitched a ride with Jason and were supposed to be dropped off the dome.

Hitch ride became joyride. (Plus JOY for me)

Thanks Alfred for letting me have your seat, NOT.

2100H

Two rounds of hurricane ride. Two rounds of torture. Result: bruises on both arms, neck pain, backache.

Still, it was fun. I get to shout and laugh and curse the ride with my long "lost" friend.

2300H

Kamalyans.

They had their bottles, I had my ipod.

Then my cue to leave came. Crap.

I need to get a job. Will submit resume next week. Haha.

Maybe I missed hours more of fun, but who cares, I was already happy. Solb!

done

2010-06-03T12:58:00.000+08:00

0602

I hate you right now.

Stop acting like you're so sorry.
Stop pretending to be sweet.
Stop trying to minimize the casualties.
Just stop.

"I messed up."
Of course you did. You messed up... my life.

I hate you right now.
But I can never hate you for too long.

----

0606

And I hate you right now, again.

Foul ka na hin duro.

"All the time that was spend BEING USED I should have said goodbye and thanks for the memories."

-New Years Day

drowned senses

2010-06-03T11:43:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes it is better to be alone... no one can hurt you." -Megara (from Hercules)

Photo credits: Justine Nierras

fat chance

2010-05-17T10:28:00.000+08:00

You know that feeling that there is something wrong but can't put your hand on it? That something is messed up but you can't figure out what or why? That something far worse than just that "feeling" is at your back, following, and sooner will jump right at your face to say hello?

At the back of my mind, "this can't be happening again!" screams in fury.

I know too well how things like this end. Too well that even the mere thought of it sucks fluid out of me and into my eyes.

I know too damn well of the fattest chance of this happening.

Only that, I believed it can never be you-- with you.

You are not that kind of person.

Or so I thought.

Fishballs.

2010-05-12T21:49:00.000+08:00

I needed a good reason to be out everytime. For today, it was helping out a friend do a portfolio for the group, and if possible, pass by my former college campus to order a batch ring.

No portfolio done, wasn't able to drop by RTR campus. Great.

Getting bored by the minute that I finally decided to get myself something to read, a good take-me-out-of-this-solitude read, with a little extra walking exercise for thirty or so minutes. Went back to where you will usually find me wasting my time sitting... and staring.

Crossed the street, took a seat where I could freely watch unsuspected strangers passing by, had burritos and salad n' bread (which by the way, would last till breakfast for someone with a "regular" appetite), and Stephen King on the other hand. More than an hour of selfish time alone.

Fast forward and I found myself running in the rain, store hopping, helping a friend look for t-shirts. The big drops of water didn't matter. I was actually enjoying it.

Past six and I have already decided to call it a day. My feet were going nowhere though.

Almost seven thirty, had ice cream, some 5-peso bread, and fishballs, with Ryan-Nick-Makoy company. (salamat ngean han iyo libre! :D )

My past six became almost eight, that time of the night where jeepneys homebound usually are in line waiting for passengers. Not this night. Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyy? O_O

I started walking towards the old post office with the thought that I might be able to get past the crowded passengers waiting for the same ride as I was. Looked back and saw them (Bukid guys who walked with me) slowly dispersing. I wish they didn't.

How long I was standing waiting for a ride, I don't know.

What I know, and clearly obvious was-- I am alone, but not so much.

rebound

2010-05-07T23:57:00.000+08:00

I gave up holding on to the one person who sees important things (and people) as options.

Life has never been more free.

Should I give up, then, being this other person's second best?

"..will i ever come first..

the universe contracts to sigh.."

i feel like a total idiot.

!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-22T22:06:00.000+08:00

Done your part?

------------------------

Oo nga naman. I did nothing. And every time I do something, it's always the wrong thing.

Ikaw nga naman an pirmi nag i-effort. Ikaw.

I'm sorry. :)

breeze

2010-04-17T09:53:00.000+08:00

15th of April, 2010

When at one moment of your life, things start to fall apart, turn around and look for familiar faces. They will always be there, waiting, with arms wide open. FRIENDS, the truest of all.

As the summer heat blazes, and much of the unpredictability this weather brings, to the beach we went. Then it started raining. Strong wind and chilly breeze, but they never left me and my stupid idea. :)

How they always know I'm in trouble is something they are good at, after years and years of friendship. A day spent with them makes me forget why I've been drying my eyes out.

--
Oh, and congratulations to our new graduate!

photo by Kenneth. :)

hear me

2010-04-08T16:30:00.000+08:00

goodbye my almost lover
goodbye my hopeless dream
i'm trying not to think about you
can't you just let me be?

so long my luckless romance
my back is turned on you
should've known you'd bring me heartache
almost lovers always do.

-A Fine Frenzy

Things are all messed up.
Thoughts and feelings entangled.
I'm messed up.
DEFRAG!

black

2010-04-04T13:28:00.000+08:00

Suppressed emotions tend to dry us all up. You may have escaped the feelings you keep running away from but it is still there, chasing you, like it or not. So you let it out silently, slowly, until you find yourself breathing again.

April 3rd.

Black Saturday.

The street is quiet. For two days now it has been a ghost town.

I've been hungry since last night. And when I woke up today, no food. Talk about fasting.

The weather is unpredictable. Sun-shining hot one moment, then rainy the next, and so on.

My frustrated uterus is crying. It hurts.

The mother called. I vented out my frustrations on her 'cos I thought she would listen.

I was wrong.

I am drained of all energy for today.

Declined invitations for soccer and frisbee.

But I really wanna go.

But I can't.

Damnit.

I need to change pillow case, it's wet.

*edit*

3:30pm. Went to watch the soccer game instead, and played a bit of frisbee.

6:15pm. Took a ride home.

...i wish i was there too.

two places at the same time. :)

Evaporate

2010-03-27T08:42:00.000+08:00

Bad headache from all the staying-at-home-with-nothing-to-do day. All I did was sleep, listen to the audio book nursing reviewer, play a bit of Rohan, sleep, rock my room with music, and did I mention sleep?

Add to that, a bottle (or less) of RH grande. Enough to make my head throb and almost run to take paracetamol, which would be stupid and pointless. Took a shower instead, which kind of helped, a bit. Then a forced sleep.

Three in the morning and I woke up.

And still awake 'til now.

Wondering what it will take to keep all these friendship intact and the hurt to a minimum.

I should just disappear, no?

Alcoholic beverages no more. Swear. :)

Fly

2010-03-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

It's the weather. Or maybe psychological stress. Either way, the pain ain't going nowhere.

Today.

Problem-free talks and big laughs.

Life couldn't possibly be as serene as this.

Too bad time flies like the speed of the jet plane I saw today, well, trace of it.

Thank you Ryan & Quincy. :)

drizzled

2010-03-20T19:07:00.000+08:00

Last night's small talks made me come up with the decision.

But it has to wait.

Will be doubling my dose of paracetamol and chlorphenamine maleate.
Breathing becomes a labor every hour.

Side note:

compulsive climb on a drizzly morning by people who got not much of sleep (and those who haven't slept at all, us)

Run

2010-03-15T20:08:00.000+08:00

For it is but my only self that knows how to appreciate my own sacrifices, a big cup of coffee chiller will suffice.

Tomorrow. :)

Wall

2010-02-28T08:49:00.000+08:00

I poured myself a big cup of coffee. The aroma of such sweetness I could almost taste it made me take a sip, only to burn my tongue.

I waited for it to cool down, and when it did, the taste seemed a bit off. It was lacking something, there must be something I forgot to add. But it doesn't matter anymore. I could finish the cup to its last drop, and be contented with how it feels drinking the not-so-perfect mix of my own coffee.

The caffeine wandered through the barriers of my grey matter, lodged between the empty spaces, ignited the fuse of my train of thoughts.

It is a pretty sweet escape. I keep looking through every corner and one couldn't help but smile. But that's all I could do. Keep looking. It is hard to keep a fix gaze over a certain area. Even harder to move closer.

Hagi.

Ano ba.

Wait

2010-02-25T08:08:00.000+08:00

"You'll never know what you got 'til it's gone."

-from some churva. :P

There's just too much to think about.

I would be far more than glad to rush into the easy part, make my life less of a complication, but then I'll never get to see the other side of things, that of which will nurture the "ano daw la kun...".

To give it a little time wouldn't hurt.

Bangin.

Space Shuttle.

2010-02-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

Realizing I am still on duty while I was dozing off, I got up with guilt.

And a heavy feeling.

Fault goes to you, Mister Texter. :P

I wanted a day off.

I was in extreme need of company, of a sense of accomplishment, of friendly hugs, of love.

At the end of the day, I got much more.

Who says I'd be needing these unrequited feelings?

Stand.

2010-02-16T20:07:00.000+08:00

Rushing through the exit and no one bothered to hold me up.

Swift run and graceful skip.

"When I'm done with thinking, then I'm done with you."

- Lisa Loeb

You don't seem to be the one who'll stand up for me.

I'm done waiting. :)

Unorganized thought.

2010-02-13T07:47:00.000+08:00

It's hard to let it all out when you've got nothing more left. And it's even harder when everything is said and done, you're left consoling yourself.

So they say.

But oftentimes, they are wrong.

Because when I turned around, arms of worried friends welcomed me.

Then I am happy. :)

Some random blab:

I almost got rid of the headache, then another one crashes in.

Then I find myself lower than sea level. Stuck.

Sinks in another mistake.

Which I might regret.

Sooner...

Or later.

Or never.

"Your love is my heart disease."

-NewYearsDay

Sunrise.

2010-02-07T18:53:00.000+08:00

A wishful thought of a never-ending day was enough to keep me awake till sunrise.

Frozen in the moment of stillness, of bliss.

I was wrapped in a temporary happiness of you.

Of your arms.

And as you open those tired eyes, contentment filled in.

R.N.

2010-02-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

Laziness has been a constant companion. Reading has and still is a pain. Memorizing, we never got along quite well. All I have is faith in myself, and to that someone above. And I hold on, tighter.

Much love to all those who believed in me:

Mama and Papa. For the support, love, and allowance. XD
Brothers. For understanding my not-so-good moods.
Justine Alexis. For the needed support and just being there everytime. It means a lot.
Chelsa Dale & Charmaine Jille. Though kilometers apart, the concern and support never faded.
Quincy, Makoy, Paul, Ryan, Alfred, Kuya Frienli. For all the Saturday night sessions, overnight fun, and unforgettable memories. Ig upod nala gihap an mga busa han mga kag anak after.
Cardz, Justine, Ngeks, Doms. For SC and WC3 games that kept me sane.
Group L. Always have been the group who keeps me pushing through the studying habits.
Bukid People. For all the best of wishes and good lucks and hugs.
To everyone who boosted me with inspirations.

Diri ak naexpect hini kay sigi la ak hin happy-happy.

But I got through.

Two wishes granted, two more to go. :)

Question.

2010-01-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

So tell me, how do I stop myself from hurting?

Knowing I don't have the right to, in the first place.

Surreal

2010-01-18T17:48:00.000+08:00

Freezing morning dew drops and chilly breeze of January air rustling through the window into the dreamcatchers I got for my birthday, one of those lazy-cozy mornings I wake up to with thoughts of lying a bit more and drift into unconscious sweet thoughts.

And it seemed more like it was just yesterday we spent times like this, surreal.

It's a new year, and I'm thinking of renovating my room.

Color suggestion, anyone?

Headache.

2010-01-10T22:31:00.000+08:00

I see no point in my desperate attempts trying to make something out of nothing.

But I still have this little bit of hope. Of faith.

It's something mutual, it's something we will never get tired of.

A reciprocal fun.

It should stay that way. Wish for nothing more.

Be contented of what is there.

Actions differ from time to time.

Reactions inconsistent, intolerable.

Reasons, unclear, unspoken.

Which keeps me wondering.

And that's what bothers me.

That which gives me the headache.

/dives head in bed.

Matter

2010-01-03T17:34:00.000+08:00

I try to overrun the fast pace of the minutes we spend along with everyone. A bungee jumping feeling of excitement pushes our adrenaline to its limit. Hours and days of carefree life took us to a quick turn on our rollercoaster ride. We dare not look back in fear of being left behind. Forward and future we rove through, and the laughter spent frankly is immeasurable.

And with one hit of an attitude you throw unto me, all my happy thoughts go astray.

Awkward silence.

And I wonder, what have I done wrong this time?

Or is it just you and your over sensitivity.

Daydream

2009-12-16T20:23:00.000+08:00

I am past the months of overstimulating my brain, dragging my sanity along.

If only dead neurons could regenerate, pondering on other issues would never be a pain.

Have I not gone tired of wasting efforts with only the slightest of hope?

Weary thoughts of "what-ifs" and "maybes" put much pressure on the burden.

Then I finally, quickly, decided to stop daydreaming and put an end on my supposed to be happy-ever-after fantasy.

I might be wrong.

Or right.

Then again, I'll have to decide.

skip

2009-12-16T07:35:00.000+08:00

The music was inviting, the melody was enthusiastic.

One was enjoying the beat, the other shrinking in a corner to oblivion.

So much for the dance you wanted us to swing into.

Time Travel

2009-12-06T20:00:00.000+08:00

Roughly 19 weeks ago, going to that place was nothing special.

More than 19 weeks ago, the unusual (atleast for them) closeness we had never gave me the chills nor the thrills.

More than 19 weeks ago, EVERY move meant nothing.

Until that day I walked out, weeks of tormenting invisibility cloak covering over us, and the big guts and humiliation it took for us to be of speaking terms once again-- that day changed everything. Or was it just me?

IF that day never came, maybe I would never have seen the other side of us.

IF that day never came, my perception of things would have never been this complicated.

Maybe I would not be in this mess.

After 19 weeks, history repeats itself. Only this time, for no clear reason at all.

After 19 weeks, here we are again on the field of our cold war.

After 19 weeks, I am still in confusion.

I hope the Law of Attraction works its psyche this time.

havoc

2009-11-23T15:22:00.000+08:00

It couldn't have been more clear than it already is.

I fell asleep thinking maybe I have been ignoring much of the reality, that I keep myself within the comfort of confinement in my choco-coated world, loving the company of DENIAL.

Apologies for my wishful thought.

It was way beyond the limit we never set.

I am evil.

To loathe you is bliss.

And would love to play games, with you.

Bring it on, friend. :)

Celebrations

2009-11-14T18:31:00.000+08:00

The infamous bad luck accompanying the elusive Friday the 13th might have lost its way to my generally everyday-normal day. Although I did some sort of "waiting" that took almost half of my day, it could never be put into a bad-luck-account. I may have been bored from keeping track of the time each one of my selected few VERY close friends arrive one by one, but it was as if I was endowed with super patience for a day that I simply waited. No complains.

I was offered to have a small pre-celebration for my natal day (and still have my post natal party on December), and I want it spent ONLY with the guys who always make me feel special.

And I did.

But this entry is not going to be a detail-by-detail story of how my day went, but a simple THANK YOU post for all those who made this day (and yesterday's) one heck of an unforgettable, best treasured birthday.

THANK YOU SO MUCH..

• Nana Diya, Ate Marlyn, and nephews for helping with the cleaning and cooking. It was unexpected, and very much appreciated.

• 'Ta Dicdic, Mano Edgar, and dear Brothers for the lechon.

• Papa for being insane for a short period and actually gave me two (2) cases of Red Horse plus another case of Coke when you strongly disagree of me taking in any alcoholic drinks (and soda). And for deciding to let me have this mini-celeb out of mom's ever changing mind.

• Kuya Andrew, for constantly reminding me of how 'bad' I was in posting your funny poses on FB, and making me a paper rose for a gift. I am grateful, and rest assured that your gift will be kept for good. :)

• Justine Alexis and Dave for the laminated collage(?) or whatever you call it [haha]. Na-touch talaga ak and I'm so proud of it. THANK YOU TIN! :]

• Ate Trina for the warm hug and greetings. Aww. ;)

• Makoy, for actually being able to come despite being unable to ask permission and having attended a gig(?) hours before. And greeting me NINE (9) times. Inihap haha.

• Charmaine Jille for all the profanities-in-jokes thrown at me during the webcam moments and for just being there despite the distance.

• Ahmed, Kenneth, Kevin, by far the best text I ever received from anyone who greeted me. Bisan baga gintipid ak niyo kay 3-in-1 nga kateks, the sincerity was there, and da lab pare, da lab. :D

• Chelsa for not failing to greet me bisan baga nagtatampo (?) ka pa ada ha ak. Haha. Labyu Kiks. See you very very soon.

• Jandy for the unexpected call. Wow pare nag effort haha. Thanks utro, and as of this moment I'm still waiting for your "pan-last-minute" text greet as you promised. :P

• Quincy for greeting me through text bisan nakada ka la nak sapit plus an im mga hirit han "dare". And for assuring me na labb ak niyo. Apir!

• Sir Dave and the LeySamFoto, aww this is touching guys. Though I haven't formally met you all, I feel so at home na. Yehey.

• To all who remembered, thank you! :)

• Special mention to the people who were with me as the clock struck twelve:

Maria, Makoy, Paul, Quincy, Kuya Frienli, Ryan, Ate Vina.

Happy hours on cloud nine. The perfect gift. More than a happy ending fairytale.

Although I am, as of this moment, in sheer frustration of the thought that we could still be in my room right now, enjoying every moment of playing cards, and that this entry is supposed to be done tomorrow, but because of some higher entity, we have to end my happy ever after story. May nekstaym pa man diba? Hay. -_-

Road Block

2009-11-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

The pillows I struggle to keep within my reach, my exasperated attempt on being comfortable despite the mattress being short-sized for three, the cold air in exchange for a mosquito-free sleep, and the awkwardness of the moment.

Agreeing on an idea that some 'things' are capable of ruining a friendship well-kept, rephrasing and restating it a couple more times, and a few hours later, the great irony.

Little did the "dare" instigator know that the task he imposed upon me, is already done.

"Be careful what you wish for 'coz you might just get it."

-Pussycat Dolls

Common Ground

2009-11-04T08:24:00.000+08:00

"Diri ako manhid, pero diri gihap ako assuming."

- Lourence

Relate?

Relate! XD

Point Period

2009-10-25T21:46:00.000+08:00

For you to ask what's bothering me out of nowhere, and to my dismay, a part of your attempt to deliberately piss me off, you should have been more prepared to receive my fully-meant reply. An off-guard response delivered a contented half-smile and lightning giggles to my sinoatrial node.

Thanks for the reassurance of your "lab". :)

Coffee Love

2009-10-12T12:55:00.000+08:00

An overwhelming human feeling racing with every palpitation with skips of apneic episodes.
The warmth of existence beside where I lie would suffice the mere thought of much joy, and as the day breaks in for another sunshine, parting without further words of assurance breaks the hypothalamic euphoria knowing it would be just another day, together. Nothing more.
Ambivalence.

Cruelty of truth.

"Napansin ko na lamang na nalalaglag ang aking puso."
- Parokya ni Edgar

Conveying your words to a level acceptable for a friend, somehow I want to think that it meant more than just that. That you are going to miss me, too. O-ha. XD

Hangover

2009-10-04T17:52:00.000+08:00

Four days straight of 8-hour review class and super exhausting [and hand-painful] writing while trying to catch up with every single important word (EVERY!), I took the liberty to pass by and say hello to whoever were in 'that' place. And as my vision served its purpose, napa-"WEH?" nala ak. Hahaha.

What made me even laugh at the moment of genuine COINCIDENCE was Justine's [who happened to be just across the street] reply to my text, with one word to crack me up, "labteamS". Awkward silence and I wanted to just 'poof!' and be gone. XD

The following day's (Sunday) schedule will conclude the end of our five-day Med-Surg information overload with a post test. And, because I'm ME, though I TRIED to, studying is really not my type. And since it's a weekend, they must have some sort of an unwinding plan for the night, with few minutes of rethinking the consequences over, weighing prons and cons, I gave in.

Plan was to get back to bhaus as early as possible (5:30am), eat, bath, and be in the review class before 8:00am and take the exam. The 5:30am became 6:00am, and ticking. Plus a couple more minutes of trying to wake up the person next to me, off to the terminal, and home.

Imagine me with groggy eyes, imbalance equilibrium, in loose-fitting long shirt, dark pants, and HEELS (lack of working gray matters to choose between what to and what not to -_- ), slow pacing to the 3rd floor, hands on the rails. I knew those questioning-half-smiling eyes and it took just a couple of minutes upon taking my seat for my groupmates to ask why I am in that state, plus the heels. Hahaha. And the lamest answer: in case of sleepy trip off, I have the heels to blame (saving my soul from shameful fact of hangover on a review). XD

Took the opportunity of being 10 minutes early, and tried to catch some sleep. Makuri man ngean lanaton, harhar. Here comes the test papers and answer sheets being distributed, tas piyungan in between questions. :)) Diri tinuyo, naglulugaring la talaga pagpiyong nak mata. -.-

Unexpectedly, good enough score, with one thing Ate Jahn (sitting infront of me) said, "Mag inum daw ghap ak while studying?"

P.S.
This time, you really got me confused. :/
Though it felt good, thinking it over makes me feel so damn bad.
Gago.

2009-09-23T19:52:00.000+08:00

Too much of a gentleman. Woot. Badtrip. :))
Won't go into details. Delikado. Haha.

Hay.
You're confusing me. :D